I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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