Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
