help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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