ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When are your genitals available?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
