Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
