Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
