his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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