I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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