thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
