I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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