is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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