i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
