My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
