somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
