Don't you send me to vm
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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