Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
