Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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