You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize