I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
