Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
