Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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