You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
