We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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