Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize