I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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