it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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