It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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