he puts the penis in happiness.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
