you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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