your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
