My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
