apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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