my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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