he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
