i think my tv is drunk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
