I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize