Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
