Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
