I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
