who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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