Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
