she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
