oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
this is an emotional support booty call
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize