You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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