Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
