I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
