went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
