Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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