So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
