i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
