Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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