Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
