I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
