Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
