I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
