honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
