i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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