im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
