Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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