if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Two words: blizzard sex
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
