Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
