Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
