69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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