i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
