How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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