You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
