If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
