Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
