How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
