3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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