I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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