wat bout pragnant strippers??
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
