I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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