I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
