Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
