either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
