are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
